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Walking into a surprise birthday party for yourself a moment after hearing terrible news

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Witness monogamous behavior among animals in a zoo or duck pond and recommit to your own mate

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Making a solemn resolution while looking down at a framed photograph of a family member you have picked up off your desk

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Start a new life after shaving

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Amanda Fortini, Walter Kirn

Have French bread sticking out of the top of a grocery bag.

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

-leave/listen to voicemails

-finish a cigarette after a few puffs

-extremely fit people drinking lots of alcohol

-no wait time at bars/handed drinks without ordering

-no seat belts

-background actors aren’t mindlessly staring at phones

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Have a meeting where the boss says, "Leave us," and everyone but the person he's talking to wordlessly leaves the room.

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- Shoot a gun and no one grabs their ears - no one has ear protection and no one’s ears appear to be ringing.

- Pull out a hand gun and shoot someone dead 50 yards away who’s on a roof, behind cover, with a rifle.

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

Find ideal parking right in front.

Not finish their food.

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

So hilarious. How about embrace and tear off their clothes as soon as they walk into their house. Who does that?!?

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

Have sex with their bra on

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- hero reluctantly solves one more case on day he is supposed to retire

- he must be a sensitive dad because he makes breakfast for the kids before heading off to school; extra points if it's their favorite pancakes; extra points if the pancakes have faces or look like animals

- ice for drinks must be inserted with tongs from a bucket

- hand wipes mouth or both hands slide down hips before making confession or an embarrassed speech

- tough guy never answers questions

- drunk character has slurred speech and unsteady gait, but the eyes are clear and focused

- in Westerns, you never see a horse poop, or horse poop lying in the streets

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

I have hung up the phone without saying goodbye many times, but only when I was pissed off at the person on the other end of the line and wanted to make them madder

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ALWAYS, when you have removed a bullet from someone, drop it into a metal bowl of some kind so that we can hear the clank.

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

You could also add - talk to someone while driving and gesture with both hands without any regard to others on the road. Also step into a shower without turning on the water then turning it on when they are inside ( this means the water is freezing).

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Mar 19, 2023Liked by Walter Kirn

Cut off your own fingers, for some silly reason.

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