THINGS PEOPLE DO IN MOVIES

But Seldom In Life

*Have conversations with their back turned to the other person.

*Get up to give a speech and then just walk offstage when they’re done.

*Hang up the phone without saying goodbye.

*Take off an earring while talking on the phone.

*Do that rolling-around-the-bed-thing (like logs) when they’re having sex.

*Have sex against walls, particularly against outdoor, exterior walls.

*Slide down the tiles in the shower into a sitting position, and let the water run over them when they’re upset (sometimes while still clothed). 

*Vomit just from hearing information.

*Turn doorknobs really slowly, especially when they suspect someone bad is in the room they’re entering.

*Hit bathroom mirrors with one hand when they’re frustrated.

*Stare at themselves in the mirror when they’re having an epiphany or a breakdown.

*Rip sheets of paper out of typewriters or printers after composing an important letter.

*Laugh maniacally about nothing when they realize the harsh truth of their meaningless lives.